I was recently on vacation with my husband. We were away for a couple days to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. Without kids.
It was lovely! Time to recharge and relax.
Yet, I found myself with some mixed feelings. Leading up to this trip, it’s all I wanted. Some time away with my husband, without the kids.
Then it came.
Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing, yet I still found myself constantly thinking of the kids and wondering what they were doing. Were they thinking about me?
I read something while we were away that really resonated with me. It really was the perfect time to come across this quote.
*It was that the hard and the happy coexist. We crave closeness to, and space from our little ones. We feel sheer exhaustion and fulfilment simultaneously. *
You don’t get one without the other.
Parenthood. Motherhood in general, is all consuming. Our hearts weren’t meant to beat outside our chests, yet in motherhood that’s exactly what happens. What once was a heartbeat inside you is now a fully beating heartbeat living outside of you in another body. Easy to see how it would consume you… the good, the bad, the ugly and the beauty. The all-consuming feelings of motherhood, that truly do hit you simultaneously. We can be so full of frustration and love all at once.
Parenting really is such a contradiction when you think about It. One of the best and worst things about parenting is watching your kids grow up. How is that even possible?! Its crazy and sad when you think about it. The same joys of seeing your kids grow up and learn new skills are the same sorrows of realization they don’t need you the same way they once did.
Another contradiction? Time?! How does time crawl by yet go lightning speed all at once? Some days you’ve run a marathon before the 9am school drop off and feel like there isn’t enough time while other days you’re staring at the clock just waiting and waiting… and waiting for bedtime!
No wonder parenting makes us feel crazy sometimes. Weve never had, nor will we ever have again such a big responsibility.
You know why you feel like parenting is hard? Because you are a good one! You’re a good parent! You care for them and constantly worry.
We must drop the notion of perfect parenting. Thinking other people are the perfect parent and then comparing ourselves. Comparing our children.
No one is perfect.
Nor should they be.
We’re all human.
And humans make mistakes.
What makes us a good parent is by reconnecting after a mistake. Teaching our children perfection isn’t the goal. Becoming a better human than you were yesterday is.
Being kind, strong, caring, and true to yourself is what is important, for both parent and kids alike. We’re constantly learning.
Life really is a journey. We learn everyday.
Just because we are adults doesn’t mean we’re done learning. Our kids teach us more than we know. Teach us unconditional love. Teach us to be more patient. Teach us to play and have fun. Teach us boundaries.
Parenting is only hard for the ones who are good at it. If you were an absent parent, didn’t have to think about your kids or their well being, how easy would parenting be?
It’s because we want the best for our kids and strive to be better for them and then feel bad when we make mistakes that makes us so good at it.
All these reasons are why it’s good to take time away, (if you can.) To fight through the guilt of leaving them and the feeling of missing them. For you to remind yourself you’re more than a parent. To teach your kids some independence and allow those special people watching them a time to bond with your kids on their own.
Whether you like it or not, one day your kids will have a life other than you. A life in a home that’s not yours. By the time that comes you don’t want to have lost that relationship you had with your partner before kids. Without that partner your kids would not exist and that relationship, although easy to fall through the cracks is always worth fighting for.
I know that was written all over the place, bouncing from thought to thought. One would even say messy. Just like life, just like parenthood. So, I guess it goes with the theme!
And hey, I just said perfection wasn’t the goal, didn’t I?! 😉
Thanks for taking that crazy trip that was this writing piece today, written in quick thought, on my phones note pad none the less.
Remember, you can be a mess and a good mom, I think they might even go hand in hand.