The Final Good Bye
(Dealing with Life after a Loved One has Passed On)
Life after death is an adjustment. It’s hard, it’s sad, it’s weird, but you do move on, eventually.
Two weeks ago my nana died, and last Friday was her funeral. This was only two and a half short years after my papa’s passing. My nana had Parkinson’s Disease and anyone that knew her, or knows of the disease knows that everyday tasks become a challenge. This fact alone has helped me deal with her passing tremendously. I know that she is no longer in pain, and is no longer suffering.
I got the news sitting in the airport of St. Johns, about to board the plane to come home. My husband had just got off the phone with my family and had the job to relay the news to me.
I broke down instantly, in the airport. Without a care in the world, that people were probably staring. After a solid 15 minute sob (and after many final boarding calls) I managed to stop crying long enough to walk my red puffy eyes onto the plane.
Fast forward two weeks and I’m OK. We all need to grieve and it’s a very normal human emotion and transition. Other than my own selfish reasons of wanting her here on earth with us to experience life I know she’s happiest with my papa in heaven, without pain and suffering.
My husband and I got her a wool sweater on our last trip to Ireland (she had awful circulation and was always cold). She had the opportunity to wear it a couple times before her passing and it brings me joy to wear it now. I feel as if her arms are wrapped around me and although the sweater is too big in size, knowing that it was hers make it feel like the perfect fit.
Dealing with Life after a loved one has passed is hard, but I’ve learned a couple of things from losing my grandparents;
1- We all need to grieve, and we all do it differently. Some people cry and some people don’t, and that’s totally fine. Some people talk about it and some people don’t, although I recommend talking to at least one person about any pain or sadness you may feel.
2- Crying is OK (even in a public place).
3- Remembering the joy they brought to your life and to the life of others really helps. Try to stay focused on all the good memories and moments they had and the ones you got to experience with them.
4- After a loved one passes, everyone wishes you their condolences, but if you start paying attention to what those people are saying, you may be lucky enough to notice a trend. Everyone would say how happy my nana was and what a joy she was to be around. After hearing this enough times, it confirms the qualities you always knew in them to be true.
5- Knowing that god has a plan, and having faith and trust in that plan. You may not always think it’s fair that they are gone or understand the reasons, but trying to believe there is a reason helps.
6- Family is everything. At a time of loss, family often comes together in support and love. Take these cherished times and really appreciate them. Let family keep you grounded and share in the pain you feel, after all, they are probably going through the same emotions you are.
The hardest part of losing someone isn’t usually the goodbye. It’s the aftermath. It’s getting on with life without them. When those moments of emptiness hit it’s important to stop and take minute. Remember that they are part of you and always will be. That person shaped your life and sculpted the person you are now. Look into your heart and you will realize they will always be part of you and part of your journey.
Remember; hold onto the love, not the loss
Everything will be OK; If not today, eventually.
BAM