I wrote this blog one year ago on my first blog ever; Blogger. I wrote it as I was in the middle of wedding planning. Today, I reflect on this and still love it as much as I did the day I wrote it. I understand that life changes and people change, but I also believe in fighting for what's yours. I believe the older generation is full of wisdom, knowledge, and I love that they were raised in a time that if something was broken, you fix it....
I hope you enjoy...
Wedding planning is a lot more than just planning a one day event; it’s planning the start to the rest of your life!
You legally become a married couple after you say your vows, and although vows can sound different depending on the wedding you attend, the overall point of them are typically the same. You promise to commit yourself to that one person until death do you part.
I don’t think its uncommon knowledge that marriages sometimes end before death do the couple part. In fact, according to Statistics Canada; between 35-42% of marriages end in divorce. I can’t speak for anyone’s marriage or on anyone’s behalf, but I think we can agree that most people probably don’t enter a marriage thinking ‘one day this will end in divorce’. But, the reality is, sometimes they do. I know this can be a taboo topic, but it's reality. And, it’s something close to home for me, as my parents divorced when I was young. I had a great childhood, loving parents and even inherited an amazing step-father and I turned out completely fine (I think!). In fact, I got more than a mother out of it, but an amazing friend! My parents’ divorce taught me hard lessons and reality at a young age. It taught me that just because your parents don’t want to be married to each other, doesn’t mean they love you any less! I learned that ‘outsiders’ can become ‘insiders’ and that blended families are an amazing thing.
Every relationship and marriage is different. No one has the right to judge someone else’s relationship, and no one can understand someone else’s relationship. No one really knows what goes on between that couple when it’s just the two of them!
All we can control is ourselves. How we look at marriage, how we treat our partner and what we believe is a successful relationship. A successful marriage is when your partner and you agree on those beliefs. My focus is on having an everlasting, loving, and committed relationship and marriage.
So this is why I’ve become extremely interested in relationship advice. But, the advice from our older generation. The generation that doesn’t give up, the generation that fights for what they want, and the generation in which they’ve been married longer than they have been single.
This is what I’ve found;
1. Marriage is worth the investment.
2. You have to invest in a marriage for it to be worth the investment.
3. Choosing your marriage partner is the most important human decision you will ever make.
4. Most fights are over stupid things that don't matter.
5. Most arguments are resolved when both people are more concerned with being in a relationship than with being right.
6. Having an intimate connection is essential to a marriage relationship.
7. Practices (like date nights, long conversations, and trips together) make your marriage stronger.
8. Kids are awesome, but stress your marriage.
9. Never go to bed angry.
10. You need Jesus or some sort of spiritual connection.
If you ask a couple who has been married for over 30 years, what the secret to a successful marriage is, they say things like; never get mad at the same time, have a mutual respect for each other, treat each other like king and queen, and spend your free time with each other.
When asked what true love means, they say things like; commitment to each other, wanting to help each other, understanding respect, and enjoying each other’s presence.
Joshua Becker wrote an article on having a successful marriage and the below quote from his article is very touching and I’m sure most people can relate;
“At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever – and that is what defines true love. It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life”.
In my opinion, people only talk about the triumphs in their life. On Facebook, you only ever hear people talk about their best moments, post photos of their amazing trips. We all do it! In the movies; you see these unrealistic portrayals of love. Love that is only ever happy. Love that doesn’t come with hardship. You watch TV, and see these ridiculous shows like The Bachelor, when they fly to Paris for a dinner date. I think this is where we go wrong. People get caught up in this, and compare their life to someone else’s. This isn’t healthy nor appropriate. After all, a marriage, or really any committed relationship, is the unity of two people. People are different, and it’s OK to disagree sometimes, it’s only human. It’s all about how you deal with these differences. Do you deal with them in a healthy way or no?
There's an Internet "meme" that's been making the rounds, an alleged "profound truth" written by an author identified only as "The Great Kamryn." The meme is as follows:
“The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship”.
I love this! It’s so raw and powerful to me. Love is so easy in the beginning, before you really know the other person. But, what happens when you really get to know someone. When you see their flaws, and see them after a bad day at work. The truth is a good relationship is work too. You get out of it what you put into it. It’s the little things that you have to remember when you’re upset with your partner. It’s the little things in life that make you realize this is the person you want to be with forever. Things that no one else can do for you. If I look down at my phone, and see a text message from my fiancé, (now hubby) I can feel myself brighten. To this day, something as simple as seeing his name on my phone, or hearing the front door open at the end of the day still quicken my heart rate!
I’m going to end this with another quote, this one, surprisingly is from Bob Marley; and its absolutely beautiful. One of the most honest things I’ve read;
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give.